Dear Next Generation,
I am sorry. This is all that someone not in your shoes can say. It feels shallow because it is. No one can understand how you feel. They try to make you feel better with their words and mean well, but it still hurts. They didn’t help at all. You’d rather be alone with your thoughts.
When someone dies, it leaves a hole in your soul. You are never really ready for the news. Some are callous in their remarks about the passing and that angers you even more. Again, they can’t understand how this affects you. The way they deal with it is never how you intend to. They might feel like enemies at this point.
Is there a perfect way to handle unexpected grief? No, and those that appear to handle it graciously are doing a really good job of hiding their sudden realizations of mortality. You focus on you and what you do to deal with the sad news.
I find that thinking about the good times spent with them creates a private smile that curves the tears around my mouth. For a brief second, I’d feel better. Sometimes even laugh aloud at a funny moment we had. But that feeling of lost times always comes back.
You see, it just takes time. Not to forget, but to remember how to go on living like before. You remember the fun times that can be had again, only in new situations.
It is hard to enjoy anything when you think of them but in time, it is possible to think of them and enjoy yourself. The guilty feeling of still being here will subside when you realize that because of the bond you had requires that you continue, to ensure that they are not forgotten.
You become the carrier of all things that others should remember. In this way, they live on. Every one can live forever, even if only in one persons mind.
Keep the good thoughts. Let go anything bad and pass along to anyone that will listen to your memories so that they can live on.
I am sorry, and I understand what you will go through. The other end of this pain is comfort, and you will never forget them because you loved them. This is what you can do for them, remember, always.
I would like for you to have the most beautiful thought on this subject written by
Henry Scott Holland
“Death is nothing at all. It does not count. I have only slipped away into the next room. Nothing has happened. Everything remains exactly as it was. I am I, and you are you, and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged. Whatever we were to each other, that we are still. Call me by the old familiar name. Speak of me in the easy way which you always used. Put no difference into your tone. Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was. There is absolute and unbroken continuity. What is this death but a negligible accident? Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just round the corner. All is well. Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost. One brief moment and all will be as it was before. How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!” – Henry Scott Holland 1847
Peace be with you and your thoughts that remain with you forever.
Editing by Lunaria L Moon OFT
Written by OldSoulSharing
In memory of Jay, my Dad and so many others that will never be forgotten.